Dad jokes brought to you by Rick Grimes
none pizza with left beef
It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef
ive missed you
I’ve recently decided to freeze myself to -273℃. My friends think I’ll die, but I’ll be 0K.
(breaks into your house) can i pet your dogs
(breaks into your house) drink bleach bitch
In college, we don’t say “I love you”, we say “I have 5 essays, two finals, and 3 group projects due in the next 8 days” which translates to “I would like to be crushed by a train” and I think that’s pretty cool.
omfg are u kidding me
some girls do a messy ponytail and look like magical fucking fairy princesses
i do a messy ponytail and i look like a goddamn founding father
that’s fucking badass and if anyone tells you differently you should declare independence from their stupid ass